A.L. Durst
No. 1
As experts, we advise that you don't pick out your first french press for yourself. Ignore the sponsored listacles, and resist the urge to wander through a department store. New, fancy gadgets are fun, or a nice splurge when you're feeling low, but they have a tendency to sit in your cabinet and collect dust.
That's why we advise you to have someone else pick your first french press. Besides, you're moving out of your parents' house for the first time and there's a high chance you'll overestimate your mental capacity in the moment. Don't get stuck with a busted piece of junk you chose because the price tag was appealing.
Here's a simple, two-step fool-proof plan for securing yourself the best french press on the market:
First, mention to your father that you want one, and that your old coffee maker (the one you bought at the discount store a year ago) no longer works.
Second, forget that you told him this. It's important that you forget. You must.
No. 2
We advise that you wait until the last minute to receive your french press. You've been packing for how many days, now? Your life is in boxes, and you're long past the point of organization. Wait until you';ve packed the last box. This one is titled "miscellaneous," no explanation necessary.
As this is a gift, you have very little control over when you receive your french press, but we advise that you do your best to set the stage for this moment. Remember how we told you to forget?
The van is packed, but your father flags you down anyway. He presses a small box into your hands. Your fingers slide over the smooth glass, and turn the cool jar warm.
You have to laugh a little bit. "Couldn't you have gotten this to me sooner?" is what you ask, but your tone is fond.
"I tried," he says. "But it only came in the mail this morning. I'm sorry, sweetie."
He doesn't have to apologize, but you're running out of time to say that. You hug him, squeezing your old man as tight as you dare. You don't want to break his back. "It's perfect, thank you," you say.
You hug the others who have come to see you off, and then you climb into the car which has become heavy with memories and the distilled weight of property. You pull out of the driveway, waving as much as you can, because you don't want to let this moment go. The people in your old driveway wave back, and almost wish you would stay. But the ache of waving their arms soon takes their attention and they eagerly wait for the moment you're out of their line of sight so they can rest. You realize it's better this way and drive away, sparing a glance at the french press in your passenger seat.
No. 3
Pour boiling water into the glass before you want to use it, to keep the coffee from scalding. Use coarse coffee grounds. Don't ask us how much. Everyone says sixty to seventy grams (we know you don't have a scale to measure that) but the coffee comes out too bitter anyway. Wait until your water has just stopped boiling, then pour your boiled water over the grounds. Wait six to eight minutes (you'll forget to set the timer), then push the plunger down and strain the coffee in one, smooth push.
Everyone emphasizes how important a smooth push is. No one tells you why this is important or what happens if you fail to be smooth. Only make sure that you do your best. We want to minimize the taste of worry. Coffee is already bitter enough.
No. 4
Your french press will become just another piece of clutter on the countertop. You won't have enough room for a french press in your cabinet. Even though the item itself isn't that big, the handle sticks out into the other glasses' space. It takes up too much room, and you're suddenly jealous of your mother's wide cabinets.
Not to worry. You rationalize that if the french press sits out on the counter, you'll remember to use it more often. You already drink plenty of coffee, but perhaps this will encourage you to spend less money going out to buy some.
That doesn't happen. You use it sometimes, of course, when you're out of money or when every other cafe in town is closed (you'd kill for a late night study spot). In the mornings, in the evening, at night after dinner, during writing sessions, and long hours studying. But often, the french press slips out of your mind. It sits on your counter and collects oil and grime from your many, messy attempts at cooking.
Even worse: you try to stay home, to pinch pennies, only to learn that you're bad at studying in your own home. The temptation to slack off is too great. Besides, you don't always have the energy to do the dishes and wash the cooking grime off of your coffee maker.And if we're being honest, you rarely use it because it just doesn't taste that good. French press coffee, sadly, isn't all that distinct from drip. And no one, save for your father, prefers drip.
There's always an excuse. No time is ever just right.
No. 5
Need practice? Try making coffee for your friends. Moving was stressful, but living in your own apartment is a blessing. You can host study groups, game nights, and birthday parties. Maybe there isn't enough space on the countertop, and you have to squeeze four people on the loveseat that barely fits in what passes for the living room. But others can sit on the floor surrounding the coffee table, can fit plenty of mugs and a small jar of cream.
It's safe to say that your coffee isn't good. But, that doesn't really matter. For your birthday, one of your friends gifts you a handheld milk frother, which grants you the absolute luxury of fresh, hot, foamed milk on top of handmade coffee.
When your father finally makes the trek to visit you, we advise that you clean your apartment as much as a human is able. But if he doesn't tell you he's coming, we understand if that's not possible. We'll only be a little disappointed.
It's an icy evening. There's frost on the windows and fog lies close to the ground. You open your apartment door, and you almost close the door out of shock and cold. He's the first and only member of your family to come and see you. He's worried about money, if you're getting along well.
There's a lot to talk about. So you put the kettle and a saucepan of cool milk on the stove. You wonder if he'll accept poorly-made coffee, but you don't need to worry. Of course he will.
